Love and Caramels

Um, yeah.

2010-06-17T22:53:00.000-07:00

It has been over a year, apparently, since I last posted. I got frustrated with the caramel business idea, stymied by the necessity of a professional commercial kitchen in order to be legal. And then I took a nutrition class in September 2009 that resulted in my discovery that I'm sensitive to gluten and dairy, and addicted to sugar. I cut out all three completely for six months and lost more than forty pounds. I didn't make caramels for a long time.

Recently, I started making them again, just simple maple butter batches, nothing fancy, to give as gifts. I ruined the first batch completely by not cooking the sugar long enough, but since then every batch has been perfect. The remnants of the last batch sits on the marble slab, and I can easily resist it. I know what dairy and sugar do to me. The flavor of fine caramel is still one of my great pleasures, I just savor it in much, much smaller doses.

As for love, I'm still trying. If it were as hard as learning how to make perfect caramels, I might have a chance. But it's much harder.

Experimental Caramels coming soon.

If you want a caramel, send me your address and I will mail you a small bag of them.

Cheers.

Caramels, Part VI: Bacon Caramels

2009-01-28T19:16:00.001-08:00

Seriously? Seriously.

Here's the freshly cooked and finely chopped Applewood Bacon.

The finished product turned out redolent with bacon, particularly since I mixed the cold butter with the pan drippings and mixed them in. The taste was almost TOO bacon-y, but really, everything is better with bacon.

That Which Shall Not Be Named

2009-01-28T19:13:00.001-08:00

More good news about High Fructose Corn Syrup!

....enough said.

Drum Roll, Please

2009-01-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

I think the name of this business is going to be:

Miss Margaret's Conscious Caramels

Thanks to Richard for that one. I'm letting it sink in but I think it's a good choice. It does what I want it to do. The question at the moment is what to call the website.

www.consciouscaramels.com is the most obvious, but that leaves out the Miss Margaret, and if I start doing other things under the Miss Margaret name then that could lead to problems, but www.missmargaret.com is a dance studio in Toledo, Ohio or something like that, and www.missmargaretsconsciouscaramels.com is just way too long don't you think? Despite my fondness for run-on sentences?

Sigh.

I'm meeting with the food business guru at the Small Business Administration on Friday afternoon. Whoo!

Maggie, You're Ruinin' My Liquor

2009-01-19T22:08:00.001-08:00

Fooling around with label ideas. An ode to Cat on a Hot Tin Roof seemed appropriate for the honey bourbon caramels.

I made a batch of plain light caramels today with fleur de sel, and I think they were the best batch yet. Finished at 238 degrees, they were the perfect balance of sweet and salt, soft and firm. Oooh baby.

The Business End, Part 3: The SBA and Doing My Homework

2009-01-16T19:18:00.000-08:00

Who out there knew about the Small Business Administration? The FEDERAL AGENCY DESIGNED TO SUPPORT SMALL BUSINESS IN THE UNITED STATES?

All of you suck for not telling me sooner.

I have an appointment next week to meet with one of their counselors and talk about my business idea, practical issues regarding a food based business, and the resources available from the SBA.

Holly, my friend extraordinaire, has suggested that she would like to be a part of this venture. I will definitely need another set of hands and a better brain than mine on this. And it would be fun to do something with Holly, though I don't want to risk our friendship either. It will be a test of our ability to be open and communicate clearly with each other. Joseph also said he was interested and maybe he can provide some of the data management support.

Tonight, I'm reading Sell Your Specialty Food, and it seems at first glance to be an awesome resource. I'm going to follow the steps that it suggests, the first being to develop a vision statement of what I would like to achieve.

Here goes.

"Love and Caramels (working title) will make unique and creative organic artisan caramels. We will use only organic ingredients with as little refining as possible. We will strive to be aware of the sources of all of our ingredients and to forge relationships with the farmers and craftspeople who make them, creating an unbroken source of energy and love from the earth in what we make. As a company we will be environmentally and in all other ways responsible and impeccably honest in all of our relationships. Love and Caramels will be a way for us to bring joy to our customers, to our partners, and to ourselves and our families."

I know, it's a first draft.

And for a tagline:

"sweet disorder, judiciously arranged."

Cell Phone Cozy: Pattern

2009-01-16T16:43:00.000-08:00

Y'all want to knit a cell phone cozy? Here's my pattern.

It doesn't matter what yarn you use, just knit a swatch wider than your cell phone and determine the number of stitches you need that way. I hate knitting swatches, but it's a good idea. Knit a good one so that you don't end up with a cozy that's too small.

The needles you choose are determined by the yarn you use; big fat yarn, big fat needles. This cozy was knitted using some kind of sportweight blend, very soft, on size 8 straight needles. You can also use double pointed needles since the cozy is such a small piece.

Cast on an even number of stitches so that you can purl one at either end of each row.

Row 1: purl 1, knit 2, purl 2, knit 2 then purl 1 at the end of the row
Row 2: repeat
Row 3: purl 1, cable 2 (skip the first knit stitch, knit the second, pull the yarn through but leave both stitches on the left needle, then knit the first stitch and slip both of them off the needle), purl 2, cable 2, repeat to last stitch, purl 1

Repeat rows 1-3 until you have cable stitches for 2 inches (or as long as you want the top of your cell phone cozy to be).

Stockinette stitch until cozy is as long as you want it to be for your phone. Then purl three rows in a row to make the seam at the bottom of the cozy. Then stockinette the rest of the cozy until it matches the front and start your cable rows again.

Cast off when both sides match.

Turn wrong side out and bring the edges of the cozy together and sew with yarn using a yarn needle.Use a crochet crochet hook to pull the tails through stitches on the inside and tie off. Turn right side out and slip your cell phone inside.

Enjoy!

Sweet Failure!

2009-01-16T11:36:00.000-08:00

The Vanilla Apple Cinnamon Sour Cream Caramels didn't work out very well. Why? The sour cream curdled. I let the cream/sour cream mixture boil, and that wasn't good. So the caramel has little curds throughout, which is weird.

The FLAVOR, however, is amazing. You can seriously taste the apple syrup after letting the caramel sit in your mouth for a while, and then the sour cream comes through when you chew it (probably from the curds, I know, ick, but still).

So. Great idea. Poor execution. Next time I'll mix the cream/sour cream together while cold (or even better, just use creme fraiche) and then gently heat it to almost a boil but not quite.

Today's Caramel: Vanilla Apple Vietnamese Cinnamon

2009-01-16T10:32:00.000-08:00

1 c. washed cane juice
1/2 c. light Billington's
1/4 c. Apple Syrup
3T. Penzey's Double Vanilla (yowza!)
1T. Vietnamese Cinnamon (have you smelled this stuff? It's insane)
some random amount of fresh nutmeg grated into the cream

I added the apple syrup after I started cooking them, on a whim. It's cooking on the stove right now. We will see how they turn out.

OK, OK, I then added SOUR CREAM after I started cooking them because I figured the sugar/cream mixture would be off, so now they are Vanilla Apple Cinnamon SOUR CREAM Caramels.

And again, we'll see how they turn out.

This afternoon I will make a trek to the liquor store and buy Bulleit Bourbon and make bourbon caramels.

Conversation with the Sis: Canadian Geese

2009-01-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

Sis: They think geese took down that jetliner. I think it is terrorism. From the North.

Me: Remote controlled, Canadian geese?

Sis: Yes. Suicide geese. Sounds like the next installment of Dr. Horrible.

Conversation with the Sis: Kid In The Garage

2009-01-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

Sis: So, talking to Mom today. And she says oh yeah, remember that drugged kid in the garage last summer that I told you about? No. No Jane, I know I told you, you will remember when I tell you again. Nope, you did not tell me about the kid in the garage. No, here is the story, don't you remember? Nope. You did not tell me. Of course I told you...
Ack.
Did Mom tell you about the fucked up kid in the garage last summer?

Me: omg, lol, yep.

Sis: Maybe she thinks I am you? I would remember a kid in the garage on drugs.

Mt. Rainier From 20,000 Feet

2009-01-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

On my flight from Denver to Seattle from the window of the plane I could see Mt. Hood, Mt. Adams, Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Rainier, all in one field of view. Of course I didn't get a picture of it, but here are several photos of the flight past Mt. Rainier.

It was brilliantly sunny at altitude but completely socked in down below, so I took photos of the descent starting with the Olympics as we turned north to the airport, then down through the clouds, until we emerged only 30 seconds before we touched down.

Even the flight tower was obscured by the low clouds.

And of course, it was raining on the tarmac. Welcome to Seattle.

Rodeo Caramels

2009-01-11T21:43:00.001-08:00

aka "Cookin' with Jack". Tonight is my last night in Denver, and Jane asked me for one more batch of caramels before I left, so I'm making a batch of Honey Cinnamon Whiskey Caramels. Having already used up all of her expensive Bulleit Bourbon, I am using as much as possible of her Jack Daniels.

cooking caramels in Jane's kitchen.

Jane thinks she's being funny when she calls out "oh my god, the thermometer says 240!" whenever she walks by the caramels cooking on the stove.

The 2009 National Western Stock Show

2009-01-11T21:24:00.001-08:00

If you're going to go to a rodeo, go to one in Denver, Colorado. I'm just sayin'.

Saddle bronc riding.

Bull 1, Rider 0. Bull riding is an insane sport done by insane people. But it's a lot of fun to watch.

We saw many, many bull, steer and cow butts. This was a nice change.

I couldn't resist, he was so cute.

Just in case you didn't believe me...

Jane is sitting here while I type, reading me the rules of bull riding. Riders must stay aboard for 8 seconds using only one hand to hang onto the animal. Bulls and riders are both scored on a scale of 1-50, allowing the best bulls to progress along with the best riders, which seems pretty democratic.

I have never seen so many cowboy hats in my life. Or heard as many references to God. It was surreal in many respects, like we had traveled to a different country for a day.

Conversation with the Sis

2009-01-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

(first thing in the morning)
Sis: You look like a snowman. Colorful, of course. But all I can see is round things.
Me: When did you start wearing glasses?
Sis: When I was 14, dude.
Me: *
Sis: Yeah, I've heard that laser surgery works. Shawn had it done a long time ago and still raves about it.
Me: Then why don't you get it done?
Sis: Well, one of the things people say is that they love being able to see first thing in the morning. Have you seen other people first thing in the morning? They just don't look that good. I don't need to see them.

It Really Doesn't Matter At All Who I Am and What I Know, But, Much Rather, How Well You and I Can Get Along.

2009-01-10T21:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight was the brightest full moon of 2009.

The sis hosted a dinner party for her friends tonight for which I got to help cook, which was very enjoyable. I was a little piqued when she had her friend Matt make some really fantastic gravy for the pork loin and used wheat flour, when she knows that I'm allergic, and then tried to blame me for it, but hey, what are siblings for?

For one of the desserts, I served caramels with dipping bowls containing the following:

two different types of peppers
Himalayan Pink Sea Salt
Fleur de Sel and Coffee Grounds
Mexican Cocoa

The reviews were wildly positive even from the critics in the group, and from Matt I got some ideas for marketing specialty caramels to local restaurants in Seattle.

We've had some interesting moments on this trip; I can feel my competitiveness come up at times, which is RIDICULOUS, but these are really old feelings that are tied up with my identity, who I am in relationship to who Jane is. How we grew up was pretty damaging to both of us and it still shows. I would like to think that maybe this is just a good opportunity to feel these feelings, notice them, and then try to let them go. It took me almost my whole life so far to start seeing her for who she is. She's an amazing person.

Sometimes I forget that it's not about how I see myself or how I want to be perceived, or what I think I know. It's just about how we treat each other.

We're having a really good time together, I think.

Tomorrow I think we're going to forego skiing and go to the National Western Stock Show instead.

...And Then The Drinking Started

2009-01-10T10:23:00.001-08:00

I got up this morning to greet a sunny day in Denver (at 18 degrees F) and immediately started making caramels.

Today's Flavor: HONEY BOURBON

Yep, the sis had a nice bottle of Kentucky Bourbon in the cupboard, so I figured I would do her the public service of pouring it into the heavy cream as it heated. And then the rest of it into the sugar as it was cooking.

I used some of the honey powder from Savory, as well. They taste amazing, though again, a little too stiff, even though I stopped the cooking process several degrees cooler. So I'm trying one. more. batch...

...which worked perfectly, finished at 235 degrees.

And in one of my many clumsy moments I spilled the bowl of Fleur de Sel on the butcher block and bumped into the ceramic jug with the ground coffee in it, mingling the grounds with the salt... tasted it out of curiosity and stood there in total shock at the subtle salt/coffee flavor, and realized that would be the next caramel experiment.

After I come down off this sugar high.

Creativity At 5,260 FT

2009-01-09T22:09:00.000-08:00

People lie. Art should not. ~Daniel Richter

The sis took me to the Denver Art Museum where I fell in love with the paintings of Daniel Richter. I wasn't permitted to take photographs of the paintings themselves, but the security guard allowed me to take this one.

Then I went to the permanent collection of Western Art (sponsored by Coors, of course).

Down in the Corral.

Turn of the Century Bronze

Painting by Daniel Sprick. The detail is amazing in part because it's slightly out of focus. I sat and stared at this for a long time.

Detail from same painting

mmmm. Claes Oldenburg. His piece Typewriter Eraser is in the outdoor sculpture garden in Seattle.

Earlier in the day the sis took me to Savory Spice Shop, where I found some really incredible spices to experiment with in caramels. Here is the booty I gleaned from Savory, including different chiles, Honey powder, Mexican Cocoa, Himalayan Pink Sea Salt, Murray River Flake Salt (from a river! In Australia!)

Tonight I made a batch of cane juice/brown rice and maple syrup caramels with fleur de sel. They came out very hard, which I think is a result of being in Denver at 5,280 feet, and the fact that it's sub-freezing temperatures and therefore very dry. However, the taste is incredible, and we're using splinters of caramel to dip into the different peppers and spices to see how they marry.

It's humbling to go into a spice shop and discover spices that you did not know existed. A picture of three chile peppers:

The dark one is Urfa, also known as Isot pepper -- earthy and smoky and moderately hot. The red flakes are Aleppo, they have a fruitier flavor that is described as "a cross between cumin and cayenne". The threads are korean chile threads, which I thought might be a nice visual as well as flavor addition to a batch of caramels.

The Sis, reading to me from Cookwise: The Hows & Whys of Successful Cooking about caramels as I'm making them:

I also knitted a cozy for my G1 cell phone. All in all, a productive day.

Visiting the Sis

2009-01-07T12:38:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, my 41st birthday, I fly to Denver to visit the sis. Should be interesting. In a resist-the-dark-side-of-the-force, family kind of way.

How Friends Communicate Via Erg

2009-01-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

Louisa is late for our regular workout, and I am a little peeved and start without her. She finally arrives, apologizes, and gets on the machine next to me.

I keep rowing, rather than resetting my clock to match hers. I'm annoyed with you for being late.

I keep my rating at a 22 while she is warming up at an 18. I'm still annoyed with you for being late.

With 5 minutes left, I drop to an 18 and match her stroke. OK, I forgive you.

Louisa stops rowing when I do so that we can start the second piece together even though that shortens her workout. I'm really sorry for being late.

We get ready to go, and I expect her to start the next piece at her usual pace of 18. But she starts the piece at a 22, which she knows is my favorite. Here is my gift to show you how so very, very very very sorry I am for being late.

She strokes all four pieces at a 22 and keeps her splits nice and low. I am a loyal friend and will make sacrifices to show that we are friends and that I value our friendship.

I match her splits. Thank you.

I slow down my catches a couple of times to let her know that a lower rating is fine with me if she wants to bring it down. I would like to offer you a gift in return.

She politely refuses each time. No no, I insist, it's no trouble at all.

We're cooling down, and Louisa tells me the elaborate plan for our next workout, to which I enthusiastically agree. Hug.

The Business End, Part 2: Fun With Names

2009-01-06T21:45:00.000-08:00

I've had a hard day and haven't answered any of my previously listed questions, I went to the gym and wore myself out and now I'm just going to doodle about possible names for this caramel adventure.

Love and Caramels: Sounds kind of like I'm selling flesh and candy, instead of just candy, though that is, now that I'm looking at it, probably something I should bring up in therapy. Doesn't indicate the all-natural, unrefined sugary-ness of said caramels. But uses the word LOVE, which is always good to use as much as possible if you can avoid subverting it.

Maggie's Organic Free-Range Caramels: Gives a nod to the all-natural, unrefined sugary-ness of said caramels. Also possibly hints at the unanticipated, creative oddball ingredients.

Wild-Caught Caramels: Makes them sound like fish caramels but a stronger nod to the unanticipated, creative oddball ingredients.

Maggie's Caramels: Simple, easy to remember except that I don't go by Maggie. "Margaret's Caramels" just sounds too stilted, though. Maggie's is like Fran's, only cooler. But, given that Fran's is a local Seattle business, I don't think I could call mine "Maggie's" and not feel like I was infringing on Fran.

The Wolf In The Ferns: I was having a cheesy romance novel moment when I came up with this one, which has nothing to do with caramels or their ingredients but comes with a lovely picture and somehow, "Buttered Sage and Clove Cream Caramels" sound good under this name.

Wild Spice Organic Caramels: If I want to convey that a) they are organic and b) I use spices and c) they are different, this name kinda does that. Plus you get the bonus onomatopoeic effect.

Mel's Cara Mels: Just for fun.

Happy to take suggestions.

The Business End, Part 1: A Journey of a Thousand Caramels Begins With a Single Feh.

2009-01-05T22:38:00.001-08:00

Now comes the nuts and bolts, the nitty gritty. There are many tasks in this business of starting a business that are creative and discretionary (what should I call it? what should I use for packaging? should I incorporate as an LLC?) But some questions are NOT. Some questions just need answers:

1. Do I need a food handler's license?
2. Must I use a commercial kitchen?
3. How can I get my caramels certified Organic Free Range Happy Caramels?
4. What do my labels have to say and will they need a barcode, or is that optional?
5. If I must include nutritional information, how do I find that out or can I do the math myself?
6. Should I just get a job at UW and forget about this?

Feh.

I need to do my homework, but feel free to weigh in with answers if you know them.

In the meantime, however, I shall make more caramels. Feeling uninspired to experiment, I think I'll whip up a batch of classic light butter cinnamon. Perhaps I will experimentally dust some of them with strange things and force my friends to try them.

Also, SEE THIS MOVIE.

Also, I need to figure out what to get everyone for my Birthday Party. Richard and Holly and Elda I have figured out. But Paul? Jack? Chad? Beth? Jessica? Joan? Hmmmm.

Nothing is better than a juicy logistical problem. It's fun to think about each person and try to sort out what they would like, what would be good. Besides caramels, because of course everyone will be getting those.

Caramel Variations: Star Anise and Black Pepper Caramels with Coconut Cream

2009-01-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

Um, yeah. Not so much.

It's a successful batch in that you can taste all the individual flavors.

But I just don't like the taste of anise. I like the name "Star Anise" because it sounds mysterious and vaguely perverted. But Anise stirs up vaguely disturbing adolescent memories of when my older stepbrother's best friend's girlfriend was living with us and got pregnant and liked drinking Anisette and listening to Stairway to Heaven.

Still, I thought that Star Anise Caramels would be exotic and sexy. Someone would probably like them.

UPDATED: Holly likes them! I will not throw them in the trash.

Marketing, Step 1: Contact The New York Times

2009-01-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

Richard apprised me of an article by Kim Severson in the New York Times: How Caramels Developed a Taste for Salt.

It's a good article about the popularity curve of salt caramels in our culture, broken into four stages, and it gives a great boost to a local Seattle caramel business, Fran's. But it doesn't talk about the healthiness of caramels, except for a nod at the end:

One thing salted caramels conspicuously lack is a health and wellness angle. That surprised Ms. Dornblaser, who said the nation’s obsession with healthier eating drives many current food trends.

I'm sure they are referring to more than just white sugar and high fructose corn syrup, because people seem to think that cream and butter are bad for you. That's just weird.

So, I sent an email to Kim Severson, made the argument for a fifth stage of caramel evolution, "organic, all-natural, unprocessed, free-range caramels", and asked if she would like to taste some of mine.

We'll see what she says.

I Not Dead.

2009-01-03T21:22:00.000-08:00

Two upcoming caramel experiments: Xocolatl Caramels (dusted with a chocolate/mexican spice mixture) and Earl Grey Caramels, which will be made with Oil of Bergamot. Somewhat problematic is the fact that Oil of Bergamot is apparently poisonous, or at least toxic. What they are doing putting it into my favorite tea is somewhat baffling. I'll just have to give them to people I don't like.

Also, my friend Simon gave me THIS for Christmas. I haven't stopped laughing. Or seeing unpleasant aspects of myself. Thank you for both, Simon.

The Wookie Tree

2009-01-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

We live in a primordial place, here in the Pacific Northwest. Today on the Iron Horse trail, everything was covered in a blanket of new snow.

Elda:

Spicy Cinnamon Caramels with Chipotle Clove Cream

2009-01-02T14:26:00.001-08:00

Elda and Paul requested spicy caramels.

Basic light butter caramel recipe, add cinnamon, fresh grated nutmeg, and ground clove. Soak whole cloves and a big healthy pinch of chipotle in the cream. Cross fingers and hope for the best. And don't rub your nose, because it will hurt for a very long time.

When the caramel had almost reached 240 degrees, which is where I would normally take it off the heat, my friend Dave called to say he was up the street and he wanted to fit me for my custom dry glove rings and could I come out and meet him? I ran out the door and dragged him inside. When I made it back they were at 245, I had no choice but to finish them and pray that they would work.

Verdict: They are of course harder than usual. The flavor is unbelievable. The chipotle is very, very subtle, you can't smell it, you can see little red flecks in the caramel and you can taste it just a bit, but then the slow burn hits after you've had one in your mouth for a while, and it's amazing. Not too hot, though we'll see if sitting around makes them stronger. I've cut them into smaller bites than usual, both because they are harder and to avoid a chipotle overdose.

Next time, I think I will put a whole chipotle pepper in the cream and let it soak for a few hours, and add some molasses to the sugar mixture and see what that does.

Update: I mixed a small amount of fine sea salt and chipotle chile in a bowl and sprinkled just a bit on top of each caramel. NOW they are perfect.

Voorspoedig Nieuwjaar

2009-01-01T01:42:00.000-08:00

As apparently the Dutch say. Prosperous New Year.

2008 sucked except for the caramels and my other small business ventures. I lost a good friend to cancer. I have had to look at some things about myself that I just didn't want to see. I found out a man I dearly loved a long time ago is in prison for doing something awful. I worked in a creepy office for 10 months.

I didn't go diving, rowing, traveling or all the other things I like to do nearly as much as I wanted. I gained weight.

I dated a man who turned out to be a lying liar who lied. At least we only dated for a short time. I dated another man who I still long for, foolishly, when he doesn't want me, and there's something bittersweet and addictive in that. The worst part is, I know I am responsible for all of this. I am awful at romantic relationships. I just don't know what to do about it. And maybe I don't want to do anything about it.

So in 2008 I gave up on love. Everything that I thought was true was apparently not, and I don't know what to do with that. Where do you go when you can't trust the ground you're standing on?

My resolutions are, therefore, as follows.

I will focus on my friendships, and on my friends. I will work hard to be kind to people.

I will remember that this is water.

I will mourn those who were lost.

I will value my life and take full responsibility for it.

I promise myself that I will not lose hope.

This is water.

This is water.

Obama Caramels: Like the Man Himself. Risky, And Well Worth the Wait.

2008-12-31T10:28:00.000-08:00

They turned out great. Warm, dark, complex, spicy, smooth. You could smell and taste the coconut, but it was blended with everything else perfectly. I didn't even bother adding sea salt, it wasn't necessary.

Coconut milk effing WORKS, by the way.

I also broke in my new Mauviel copper pot (if you live in Seattle and you have a kitchen, go to City Kitchens, particularly during a sale but any time works). Their unlined copper pots were 50% off.

If you would like an Obama caramel, post your address within the next three days and I'll mail one to you.

So pretty.

Caramels, Intermission: Caramels for Obama

2008-12-31T09:05:00.000-08:00

This morning, I am going to attempt Obama Caramels. Ingredients will include coconut milk, palm sugar, a mix of spices (ginger, star anise, coriander, cloves, cinnamon, a bay leaf). Some spices will soak in the boiling cream, some will go straight into the sugar mixture.

The trick will be whether coconut milk mixed with heavy cream will work. It changes the protein to sugar ratio, and I don't really know what that will do.

I thought of this recipe while in the shower. Make of that what you will.

In the meantime, I keep putting Santogold, L.E.S. Artistes, on repeat and dancing around my apartment when I'm not checking the candy thermometer. It works well for this recipe. I think she sounds like Martha Davis, from way back before you were born, kids.

Caramels, Part V: I Am Bewildered With Multiplicity.

2008-12-31T06:09:00.000-08:00

O Marvelous! what new configuration will come next? I am bewildered with multiplicity.
- William Carlos Williams, At Dawn, 1914

It takes time to take things in, integrate information, let it blend together with other things, simmer slowly until it reaches the right temperature.

More research.

I went to Whole Foods and stood in the baking section for nearly an hour, reading labels and taking notes. Honey, Agave, Yacon, Fig Syrup, Apple Syrup, Rapadura, Sucanat, Cane Syrup, Barley Malt Syrup... there's a lot to experiment with.

How would these different sugars behave differently in caramels?

So I made another dark batch using Rapadura and added raw Colorado wildflower honey instead of maple syrup in a slightly larger proportion. This time I took them off the stove at 238 degrees. They came out very soft, like taffy, but I figured that was better than too hard (um, this sounds more and more like food p*rn, but how else can I say it?) I could only hope that a little time sitting on a marble slab might firm them up a bit.

So I let them sit awhile, then wrapped some up and mailed some to Richard (along with his Weeds DVD's).

Here is an excerpt from his review:

Wow.... Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. I think the texture / firmness was perfect: firm enough to not be sticky, but not firm enough to make me fear that it might pull off fillings. The flavor was rich and complex. It almost teeters over the line of tasting too dark / burnt, but doesn't actually cross that line at all.
The salt was sublime, both in taste, texture and quantity.

This, from a man whose cooking makes me murderously jealous, whose emails about cooking make me drool, was high praise indeed.

And it made me think I might be onto something.

Caramels, Part IV: Are You There, Caramel? It's Me, Margaret.

2008-12-30T21:52:00.001-08:00

That first batch tasted like the darkest corner of heaven, when the candles sputter out for a moment from the wind produced by angels wings and all you can taste is the dark whisper of the heat left behind. They tasted so good it scared me.

So I made a second batch. This time, because I am constitutionally averse to doing anything the same way twice, I used Wholesome Sweeteners Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Lundberg Farms Rice Syrup, a little bit of maple syrup, and added a small scoop of French gray sea salt. I waited impatiently while they cooled.

This batch had come out softer and golden blond. They looked more like caramels. And they tasted like, well, if you took the same heavenly candles from before, and this time refined their warmth, and put it on your tongue and let it melt, that's what they tasted like.

In short, they both tasted, well, better than the bad poetry they inspired. And far, far better than any caramel I have ever tasted, ever. EVER.

Ever.

Caramel, Part III: If It's Poison, Here's a Hint. Don't Eat It.

2008-12-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

Back to the history.

Most books and experts on starting small businesses will tell you that doing research before you start is really important. And it is. But at this point around a month ago I wasn't thinking about starting a business making caramels, I was just interested in learning how to make them in the first place.

I read literally dozens of caramel recipes and articles about the science of caramel. Caramel is made from some chemical magic that occurs between sugar and the protein in milk, called the Maillard reaction. Most of the recipes (including the one in the previous link) called for various combinations of the following list of ingredients: white sugar, corn syrup, condensed sweetened milk, and butter. Some of them skip the butter. Some call for heavy cream. One rare example suggested using brown sugar. A few add sea salt to make the more haught-sounding "sea salt caramels." I tried a few more batches before Paul and Elda took pity on me, but none of them worked.

However, I couldn't get past the fact that most of them used refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup. I like to make healthy food. I like slow food, locally grown, organic, raw, food with lots of living enzymes and animal fats in it. My food bible is Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and The Diet Dictocrats. An embarrassingly iconoclastic title, but that should be enough to tell you that I can get kind of worked up about food.

So at this point, after ruining several batches and being faced with the possibility that caramel might not work with healthier ingredients, I was ready to quit this caramel business before it even started.

High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS)

If even a single scientific study shows that something kills rats, I'm just not eating it. ( It also, according to several studies, makes you fat, causes diabetes, is mostly made with genetically modified corn, and other wonderful things) It's also manufactured in an absolutely disgusting way. The most charitable thing I have read about high fructose corn syrup is that it's a cheap alternative to refined sugar which is also very bad for you.

But I had to face facts. Although I blamed my caramel disaster on the lack of a thermometer, it very well could have been a result of the unorthodox ingredients I was using. However, now that I knew what generally went into caramel, I wasn't going to eat it unless I made it myself, and I didn't think that was really an option. So I decided to make my next batch of caramels using what I felt were better, healthier ingredients, and risk another disaster, rather than use refined sugar and HFCS.

Using the thermometer this time, using Rapadura, some Billington's Molasses Sugar, a touch of Organic Maple Syrup, Vanilla, Heavy Cream and Butter, I cooked a new batch to 254 degrees.

It came out dark. Very, very dark. And they were harder than I wanted them to be. It didn't look like caramel, frankly and I had already resigned myself to disappointment.

And then I tasted it.

Caramel, Part II: If You're Going To Fail, Fail Spectacularly.

2008-12-30T21:08:00.000-08:00

I'm cavalier with recipes. But sometimes in the kitchen, as in life, this will get you bitchslapped.

Though I managed to produce an interesting but impractical slurry, as caramel it was a complete and utter disaster. I confess I was just trying to eyeball it and guess when the mixture bubbling on the stove was hot enough to be caramel, which I can testify does not work, so don't try it.

Perhaps there are caramel masters sitting high atop mountains who can make caramel without a thermometer. I am not one of them.

I am often the object of the charity of my friends Paul and Elda, and in this case, after listening to me complain and probably to shut me up, they gave me a spare candy thermometer, and also a high quality steel loaf pan which I used to cool subsequent batches.

And then, somewhat more humble, I went back to the computer and did some research.

This Might Be A Mistake. Seriously.

2008-12-30T20:19:00.000-08:00

What inspired this blogging thing was a combination of my friend Jessica, a fantastic writer of comedy and satire, who wanted to share a blog (and may ultimately join me here), and my friend Richard, chef extraordinaire, who has been working hard to make me swoon with his emails that I affectionately refer to as "food p*rn".

So I figured I would write some of my own food p*rn and share it more widely, probably post some of Richard's (with permission, of course), as well as review some of the weirder aspects of my life and see if I can make more sense of it in public, since it sure seems totally normal in the privacy of my own head but I am assured, by the few who know me well, that it is not.

This might be a mistake, in other words. But here goes.

Caramel, Part I: I Have Walked a Mile for a Caramel.

2008-12-30T19:52:00.001-08:00

I love caramel. Did I say love? I have eaten caramel and left behind the ice cream it came in. I have gotten drunk on rum caramel bread pudding. I have followed caramel around, trying to get it to go on a date with me, until it called me a stalker and got an order of protection and moved to another state.

So here is the story of how I am starting a small business making caramels. It remains to be seen whether it will be successful, but hopefully it will be fun to watch.

Over the holidays, in an Obama-inspired glow, I decided to try my hand at making home-made caramels to give them as gifts. I found a few different caramel recipes, sort of melded them together using alternative (read, unrefined, organic, and as locally-produced as possible) ingredients that I liked, and casually attempted my first batch.

Ha. Ha ha. Sigh.