Voorspoedig Nieuwjaar

As apparently the Dutch say. Prosperous New Year.

2008 sucked except for the caramels and my other small business ventures. I lost a good friend to cancer. I have had to look at some things about myself that I just didn't want to see. I found out a man I dearly loved a long time ago is in prison for doing something awful. I worked in a creepy office for 10 months.

I didn't go diving, rowing, traveling or all the other things I like to do nearly as much as I wanted. I gained weight.

I dated a man who turned out to be a lying liar who lied. At least we only dated for a short time. I dated another man who I still long for, foolishly, when he doesn't want me, and there's something bittersweet and addictive in that. The worst part is, I know I am responsible for all of this. I am awful at romantic relationships. I just don't know what to do about it. And maybe I don't want to do anything about it.

So in 2008 I gave up on love. Everything that I thought was true was apparently not, and I don't know what to do with that. Where do you go when you can't trust the ground you're standing on?

My resolutions are, therefore, as follows.

I will focus on my friendships, and on my friends. I will work hard to be kind to people.

I will remember that this is water.

I will mourn those who were lost.

I will value my life and take full responsibility for it.

I promise myself that I will not lose hope.

This is water.

This is water.