The Business End, Part 1: A Journey of a Thousand Caramels Begins With a Single Feh.

Now comes the nuts and bolts, the nitty gritty. There are many tasks in this business of starting a business that are creative and discretionary (what should I call it? what should I use for packaging? should I incorporate as an LLC?) But some questions are NOT. Some questions just need answers:

1. Do I need a food handler's license?
2. Must I use a commercial kitchen?
3. How can I get my caramels certified Organic Free Range Happy Caramels?
4. What do my labels have to say and will they need a barcode, or is that optional?
5. If I must include nutritional information, how do I find that out or can I do the math myself?
6. Should I just get a job at UW and forget about this?

Feh.

I need to do my homework, but feel free to weigh in with answers if you know them.

In the meantime, however, I shall make more caramels. Feeling uninspired to experiment, I think I'll whip up a batch of classic light butter cinnamon. Perhaps I will experimentally dust some of them with strange things and force my friends to try them.

Also, SEE THIS MOVIE.

Also, I need to figure out what to get everyone for my Birthday Party. Richard and Holly and Elda I have figured out. But Paul? Jack? Chad? Beth? Jessica? Joan? Hmmmm.

Nothing is better than a juicy logistical problem. It's fun to think about each person and try to sort out what they would like, what would be good. Besides caramels, because of course everyone will be getting those.

Caramel Variations: Star Anise and Black Pepper Caramels with Coconut Cream

Um, yeah. Not so much.

It's a successful batch in that you can taste all the individual flavors.

But I just don't like the taste of anise. I like the name "Star Anise" because it sounds mysterious and vaguely perverted. But Anise stirs up vaguely disturbing adolescent memories of when my older stepbrother's best friend's girlfriend was living with us and got pregnant and liked drinking Anisette and listening to Stairway to Heaven.

Still, I thought that Star Anise Caramels would be exotic and sexy. Someone would probably like them.

UPDATED: Holly likes them! I will not throw them in the trash.

Marketing, Step 1: Contact The New York Times

Richard apprised me of an article by Kim Severson in the New York Times: How Caramels Developed a Taste for Salt.

It's a good article about the popularity curve of salt caramels in our culture, broken into four stages, and it gives a great boost to a local Seattle caramel business, Fran's. But it doesn't talk about the healthiness of caramels, except for a nod at the end:

One thing salted caramels conspicuously lack is a health and wellness angle. That surprised Ms. Dornblaser, who said the nation’s obsession with healthier eating drives many current food trends.

I'm sure they are referring to more than just white sugar and high fructose corn syrup, because people seem to think that cream and butter are bad for you. That's just weird.

So, I sent an email to Kim Severson, made the argument for a fifth stage of caramel evolution, "organic, all-natural, unprocessed, free-range caramels", and asked if she would like to taste some of mine.

We'll see what she says.

I Not Dead.

Two upcoming caramel experiments: Xocolatl Caramels (dusted with a chocolate/mexican spice mixture) and Earl Grey Caramels, which will be made with Oil of Bergamot. Somewhat problematic is the fact that Oil of Bergamot is apparently poisonous, or at least toxic. What they are doing putting it into my favorite tea is somewhat baffling. I'll just have to give them to people I don't like.

Also, my friend Simon gave me THIS for Christmas. I haven't stopped laughing. Or seeing unpleasant aspects of myself. Thank you for both, Simon.

The Wookie Tree

We live in a primordial place, here in the Pacific Northwest. Today on the Iron Horse trail, everything was covered in a blanket of new snow.



Elda:

Spicy Cinnamon Caramels with Chipotle Clove Cream

Elda and Paul requested spicy caramels.

Basic light butter caramel recipe, add cinnamon, fresh grated nutmeg, and ground clove. Soak whole cloves and a big healthy pinch of chipotle in the cream. Cross fingers and hope for the best. And don't rub your nose, because it will hurt for a very long time.

When the caramel had almost reached 240 degrees, which is where I would normally take it off the heat, my friend Dave called to say he was up the street and he wanted to fit me for my custom dry glove rings and could I come out and meet him? I ran out the door and dragged him inside. When I made it back they were at 245, I had no choice but to finish them and pray that they would work.

Verdict: They are of course harder than usual. The flavor is unbelievable. The chipotle is very, very subtle, you can't smell it, you can see little red flecks in the caramel and you can taste it just a bit, but then the slow burn hits after you've had one in your mouth for a while, and it's amazing. Not too hot, though we'll see if sitting around makes them stronger. I've cut them into smaller bites than usual, both because they are harder and to avoid a chipotle overdose.

Next time, I think I will put a whole chipotle pepper in the cream and let it soak for a few hours, and add some molasses to the sugar mixture and see what that does.

Update: I mixed a small amount of fine sea salt and chipotle chile in a bowl and sprinkled just a bit on top of each caramel. NOW they are perfect.

Voorspoedig Nieuwjaar

As apparently the Dutch say. Prosperous New Year.

2008 sucked except for the caramels and my other small business ventures. I lost a good friend to cancer. I have had to look at some things about myself that I just didn't want to see. I found out a man I dearly loved a long time ago is in prison for doing something awful. I worked in a creepy office for 10 months.

I didn't go diving, rowing, traveling or all the other things I like to do nearly as much as I wanted. I gained weight.

I dated a man who turned out to be a lying liar who lied. At least we only dated for a short time. I dated another man who I still long for, foolishly, when he doesn't want me, and there's something bittersweet and addictive in that. The worst part is, I know I am responsible for all of this. I am awful at romantic relationships. I just don't know what to do about it. And maybe I don't want to do anything about it.

So in 2008 I gave up on love. Everything that I thought was true was apparently not, and I don't know what to do with that. Where do you go when you can't trust the ground you're standing on?

My resolutions are, therefore, as follows.

I will focus on my friendships, and on my friends. I will work hard to be kind to people.

I will remember that this is water.

I will mourn those who were lost.

I will value my life and take full responsibility for it.

I promise myself that I will not lose hope.

This is water.

This is water.